


Tears at Dawn

by FredasourousRex



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings Realization, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:01:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21814843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FredasourousRex/pseuds/FredasourousRex
Summary: Alistair wakes to find his fellow Warden crying. An attempt to cheer him up results in more tears but also almost a kiss. What does Alistair really want? And what is he going to do about it?
Relationships: Alistair/Mahariel (Dragon Age), Alistair/Male Mahariel (Dragon Age), Alistair/Male Warden (Dragon Age), Alistair/Warden (Dragon Age)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	Tears at Dawn

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time ever posting anything I've written so please be patient with me. 
> 
> No con/crit please.

An all too familiar sound awoke Alistair in the night. The sound of crying. Specifically a failed attempt to cry quietly. He poked his head out of his tent. Felaron was sobbing at the edge of camp. Alistair wanted to do something for him. Anything. But he'd gone to the edge of camp and waited until everyone was asleep. He obviously wanted to be alone. Alistair couldn't really relate. 

It wasn't his place to interrupt, but he felt his feet bringing him closer anyway. What was he doing? 

Felaron sensed his approach and grabbed his bow, instinctively aiming right for his attacker's chest. "Oh! Alistair!" he gasped and lowered his weapon. "I'm so sorry. I heard you approach and I just assumed you were.."

"A Darkspawn?" Alistair supplied. "Not with this hair," he said, pointedly running a hand through it. 

Felaron chuckled, "No, I'm pretty sure they're all bald." 

"I believe you're right," Alistair said thoughtfully. 

Felaron sat back down. "So what woke you up?"

"A nightmare," Alistair lied, sitting next to him. 

"Oh, do you want to talk about it?"

"Just the usual terrifying archdemon filled sort. Nothing to worry about," he stalled. "But if you don't mind me asking, are you alright? You seem...down?"

"I'm fine. I just...I just miss my clan. I miss the halla." He let out a heavy sigh. "I miss my parents though I've never met them. Do you ever feel that way?"

"Sometimes," Alistair said honestly. 

"I guess you had it worse though," Felaron said sadly. "I had my clan and Ashalle to raise me..and I had a friend, a brother, in Tamlen," he looked over at Alistair. "But you were alone. That must have been awful."

"It was at times. I was so lonely, but...but it made me who I am today. For better, or worse," Alistair said, surprising himself with his own vulnerability.

"I can't imagine. Do you ever think...if you didn't go through that when you were younger, do you ever think about what you'd be like? Maybe you'd be like Cailan. I wouldn't be able to stand you," Felaron said with a sad laugh. 

"I don't think I could either," Alistair said with a sad chuckle of his own. He had a lot of feelings warring within him. Old hurts that he'd buried came out of hiding and mixed in with new pains, like Duncan's death. But he was surprised that the fear of Felaron disliking him was one of the biggest hitters. 

The small elf leaned into him. "I'm glad I met you, in spite of everything else that happened," he said softly. "But if I was still with my clan, we couldn't be friends even if we ever met." He let out an contented breath. "So I guess it's for the best." He fiddled absently with his necklace. 

"I don't think I've ever told you how much I like your necklace," Alistair said absently. He wanted to move the conversation to happier subjects. He hoped the necklace held a happy memory with it.

Felaron blushed softly. "It was my father's. He was the Keeper before he died. I'm lucky I didn't have magic like him though."

"Why is that? I thought the Dalish valued magic?" Alistair asked, desperate to keep his friend distracted from what was causing him so much pain.

"Well, I would have had to find another clan. By the time my magic would have surfaced, we already had enough mages. One more would have been too dangerous. We would attract too much attention from the Chantry. So the clan would have to get in touch with other clans and look for one in need of mages." He shifted his feet nervously. "Or else..the Keeper would have to way my life against the safety of the clan as a whole. I can't be sure she'd be willing to take the risk. My father was her husband and my mother was his mistress." Alistair's eyebrows shot up at that. "No one ever told me...I shouldn't even exist..if my father was a better man I'd have never been born," Felaron continued, spiraling. 

Alistair didn't know what to say. "I used to feel the same way," he found himself saying. "All my life, everyone has always talked about what a great man my father was. What a great King and general and soldier... But his wife's ashes weren't yet cold when he slept with my mother," he continued. He felt his eyes stinging from tears he'd hidden for too long. This wasn't good. He was supposed to be making Felaron forget about what was bothering him. Not add his own problems to the pile.

"Does it ever stop hurting?" Felaron asked in a tiny, broken voice. He flexed his fingers in a subtle attempt to brush their fingers together. 

"I'll let you know if it does," Alistair promised, taking the elf's hand in his. Felaron blushed bright red and turned his face away to hide it. He's so cute, Alistair thought. So shy and unsure of himself. You'd never suspect that this was the same man to run headlong into danger. The same man to threaten the Knight Commander without a thought and pickpocket a guard's lunch to feed a starving prisoner. The man who walked through nightmares and saved them all from the dream prisons where they were trapped. 

Alistair remembered his dream and frowned. Felaron was the only person that could have gotten him to leave that sweet prison. It wouldn't be perfect without him. It couldn't be. Nothing ever would be again.

Oh! 

No. No, he's my friend.That's all. 

No, he's just tired. That's it. He can't be falling in love with another man. He loved women. He was attracted to women. Only women. 

But that couldn't be true. He's never wanted to kiss someone so badly in all his life. He was perfectly fine with other people being interested in men. He didn't care that Felaron was. 

Or maybe he did care? Maybe he cared a lot. Because he wanted to pull the elf into his lap and kiss him like he'd never kissed anyone in his life. 

I need to stop, he thought as he shook his head slightly, trying to physically shake the thoughts from his head. 

"Hey," Felaron said softly. "Copper for your thoughts?"

"That's about all they're worth," Alistair chuckled nervously.

"Did I say it wrong?" Felaron asked self consciously. 

"No, I'm just being difficult. You said it perfect," he said with a little smile. He'd give his life for this man. Without question. "I was just thinking about everything that's happened to get us here."

"It's been a lot," Felaron nodded. 

"I can't believe you pulled your bow on the Knight Commander. What was going through your mind in that moment exactly?"

"I was thinking, 'I want to kill demons. I have no problem killing you so that I can go kill demons,'" the young elf said. 

"You're horrible," Alistair chuckled. 

"People should just stay out of my way. If there's something that needs killing, I'm gonna kill it. Don't try to stop me," Felaron ranted. 

"I'll try to stay out of your way," Alistair joked. 

"Oh!" the elf gasped. "No, I could never hurt you, Alistair."

Alistair was taken aback by that. "Nor I you," he said softly. He reached out to brush the elf's bangs out of his face. He really was a treasure to behold. 

Expressive eyes that sparkled like emeralds and fiery red hair that shined like a fireball on his head in the sunlight. His skin was a dark tan color from a lifetime under the sun and his cheeks, now rosy, hid a light dusting of freckles, so faint they were only visible if you focused on his face really hard. He was beautiful. And his pink lips were so enticing, drawing Alistair in with how soft they looked. He wondered what the elf's mouth would taste like. He imagined it would taste like honeysuckle and hazelnut. 

He pulled away slightly. No, this is all wrong. He pulled back further. "I'm sorry," he said weakly. 

"No, no. It's ok," Felaron said nervously. "It's ok. I shouldn't have. I misread the moment. I-I shouldn't have done anything."

"You didn't do anything wrong," Alistair hurried to assure him. "I...I just don't know if I want to or not.."

"You don't have to know! You can be unsure! I'll wait! I-I can wait for you to figure it out. It doesn't have to be something we rush into."

"I'm still not even sure what I'm feeling," Alistair sighed. 

"That's ok! That's fine. You can take your time trying to figure it out. I don't want to force you."

Alistair felt his chest tighten. Felaron couldn't know how much that last sentiment meant to him. All his life he's been forced into things he didn't want to do. He's never been able to decide for himself, even him becoming a Grey Warden was Duncan's decision. But now here's this tiny little elf that can sing with the voice of the ages and shoot an arrow through a butterfly wing at 100 paces. 

Here's this elf that wants him but wants him to choose. This is the first decision he's ever been able to make for himself. And he absolutely wants to be with Felaron for the rest of his life. But does he want a romantic relationship with him or to just stay really close friends until the day they die?

The sun began to peak through the trees and they heard stirring from the rest of the camp. "You should go get ready for the day. I'll get started on breakfast," Felaron said softly. His tiny smile was too much. Alistair wanted to kiss him so bad. 

"Yeah," he said instead. He cleared his throat. "Yeah, that's probably for the best," he continued as he got up and went back to his tent. He had a lot to think about.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I absolutely love these characters to death, and I want to possibly post more of my writing for them. But first I have to write it! 
> 
> Again I'd like to ask for no con/crit please!


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